What Being a Parent Taught Me About Managing Stress
THE BIG AHA MOMENT:
As a baby, my son Preston taught me how to manage stress more effectively without knowing it! What a smart little man! 😊
The reactive assumption, without breaking down this claim: Babies teach us nothing! They are little animals trying to survive in nature. What do they know!!!
The real breakdown: Giving birth to a child will change your life forever. You will always need to think about others, be mindful of your risk-taking behavior, plan ahead, focus on meaningful interaction, and show empathy and sympathy…..wait a minute; shouldn’t we be doing this anyway (with or without a child)? Honestly, my wife, Sammy, and I didn’t feel the drastic change in life that most people claim. The responsibilities and day-to-day specific approach may have been reshaped, but the principles were the same. Although that was true, Preston inspired new approaches to managing stress. He unknowingly prepared a Stress 101 curriculum for his Dad: A model of human instinctual behavior. It made me rethink my needs and how I structured my life to minimize stress. Here’s how:
Is this a picture of me or my son? It depends on the day…. / Photo: Henley Design Studio
OBSERVATION: I NEED TO MAKE MY PRIMARY (SURVIVAL) NEEDS A PRIORITY BEFORE PURSUING ANY SECONDARY TASKS/PROJECTS.
Personal Trainer Wisdom: A long time ago (when Preston was 0-8 months), Sammy and I relied on Preston’s cries to alert us of his basic survival needs: Changing his diaper, laying him down to sleep, giving him milk, making sure he’s not too cold, and making sure he’s not too hot. While a parent will always look for serious signs of discomfort or sickness as a caution, the primary focus was this list. If we fail to meet these demands, Preston’s cries will, uhm, continue for a very long time (rightfully so).
Eventually, Preston’s ego kicked in, and life became more complicated (e.g., crying resulted from the inability to communicate in a way we understood, the lack of attention, or the societal restriction of haphazardly tossing toys down the stairs). Although his cognitive brain muddled what he needed at the moment and how he communicated it, Sammy and I still considered Preston’s survival needs as a first option. I take the same approach with myself when I experience discomfort or stress. Poor Preston couldn’t move on until we met those needs, and I can’t either. And, yes, I’m a big baby.
Unfortunately, my advanced cognitive brain taught me to ignore or distract myself from these innate physical needs for most of my life. With my new observations of Preston, I began asking the following questions: How often do I hold off eating lunch or visiting the restroom because I need to finish a computer project? How comfortable do I feel while ignoring these cues? What stress level do I experience while “h-angry” or squirming in my chair? How often does it redirect my focus from the project at times? Does it contribute to a subtle (or not-so-subtle) anxiety?
Once I considered these questions, I started to realize the level of discomfort and stress I created by ignoring my need to eat, sleep, or potty (think like Preston). Despite my efforts to suppress the need, it was still sitting in my unconscious and manifesting itself in several ways, including impatience, irritability, reactiveness, etc. I never want anything to hinder my success in terms of creativity, effectiveness, and efficiency. Sometimes, the most stressful situations in my life have been resolved with this renewed focus on my physical self. President Bill Clinton always fed diplomats before an important meeting, and I will certainly continue to take the same approach with myself.
OBSERVATION: ROUTINE RULES!
Personal Trainer Wisdom: Babies are creatures of habit and routine. Please let me rephrase this: ALL of us are creatures of habit and routine. Babies thrive on the predictability of a schedule. It isn’t a result of feeling cognitively satisfied with their adherence to a routine. They rely on physical cues to trigger action for food and sleep. The core system of their bodies loves to efficiently and effectively prepare for both (think hormonal release). Ever wonder why babies typically wake at the same time every day? For some reason, Preston never realized that it was the weekend and that Mama and Papa wanted to sleep an additional 1-4 hours. He continued to wake at 7:15 am, almost within 5 minutes every day (even on Saturdays!!!). While less convenient for sleeping parents, it contributed to a healthy lifestyle and proper recovery time. In a perfect world, I don’t need an alarm, and my body begins a systematic approach to slowly wake the body starting three hours before that typical time. What an efficient machine! The same process takes place with a consistent eating schedule. The human body wants to predict the next influx of fuel to use it in the most efficient manner (hence, the reason you’re hungry at noon on Saturdays if you typically eat every weekday at noon).
Of course, if we missed one of Preston’s naps, he reached an epic level of irritability that was difficult to calm. It wasn't much different when I was overtired. If my body typically rests for the night at 11:30, it certainly gives me an internal physical smack until I succumb to its demand. I easily recognize when I’m pushing these limits and fighting my physical self (especially if I’m working on a work project late night). Unfortunately, the anxiety I feel as a result ends up affecting my ability to fall asleep when I eventually hit the pillow. A routine helps me become an efficient machine, and it will protect it as much as it comes. The more I fight it, the more discomfort I feel, and the same applies to the timing of meals.
Michael Moody: Personal Trainer, Author, and Podcast Host
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: MICHAEL MOODY, PERSONAL TRAINER
As an author, a personal trainer in Denver, and podcast host, Michael Moody has helped personal training clients achieve new fitness heights and incredible weight loss transformations since 2005. He also produces the wellness podcast "The Elements of Being" and has been featured on NBC, WGN Radio, and PBS.
Michael offers personal training to Denver residents who want to meet at the 2460 W 26th Ave studio….or in their homes throughout LoHi (80206), LoDo (80202), RiNo (80216), Washington Park (80209), Cherry Creek (80206, 80209, 80243, 80246, 80231), and Highlands (80202, 80211, 80212). Michael also offers experiences with a personal trainer in Jefferson Park (80211) and Sloan's Lake (80204, 80212).
If you’re looking for a personal trainer who can curate a sustainable (and adaptable) routine based on your needs and wants, Michael is the experienced practitioner you’ve been looking for. Try personal training for a month…your body will thank you!
